1997: Christmas Time is Coming

From the archives: It turns out that I was blogging long before anyone had ever heard the term “blog.” Twenty years ago I was an exchange student in Estonia. While studying at the University of Tartu, I created an online travelogue to keep my family and friends apprised of my experiences. Both my life and the nation of Estonia have changed a lot the two decades since. This reprise is providing me with a glimpse at who I was back then and the excuse to learn more about more recent developments in my temporary home, even if some of the opinions that I expressed back then may make me a little bit uncomfortable today. It is interesting to see how people grow and change.

Previous entry: December already!?! Ain’t possible

December 15-21, 1997

This week I finished up my second semester at the University of Tartu. All the exams went well and I think that I have established a good basis for next semester when I start learning for real in the Estonian language. Now I have a month and a half until things start back up here. I will be quite busy until the middle of January, though. I still have to get myself ready for Christmas and then am going to be going to Sweden for a couple of weeks to visit friends.

The most momentous occasion of the week was getting to attend a worship service in my own language at the International Evangelical Church in Tallinn, held in Pühavaimu Church. Every now and then it is necessary for a person to be able to pray and worship in one’s own language. I enjoy Estonian worship services as it gives me a perfect opportunity to commune with believers from all over the world, but my own language allows me to make a spiritual connection that is just not available anywhere else. One needs both. I’m happy that I have finally taken the opportunity to get something that has been missing for a long time. English is mother tongue. I can converse, recite prayers, sing hymns and even dream in Estonian, but to truly pray from my heart still requires use of English. That is how I will know when I am truly fluent. A good goal I think.

15 December 1997
Monday

We had our second to last reading conversation class today. The semester is almost over. What an incredible feeling to know that everything is already finishing up.

18 December 1997
Thursday

I finished up my fall semester today with my final exam in Estonian conversation. The exam itself was quite easy and I feel very good about the whole thing. Now I am all done with my formal studying until February next year. A month and a half vacation, incredible. I just hope that I am able to find something productive to do with my time.

21 December 1997
Sunday

Sometimes I am just overwhelmed with the knowledge about my true purpose and place in the world. I come closer and closer to truly experiencing the power of God in my life everyday. I experience God so often that I fail now to even remember it all the time, but it is never God in it’s entirety. God is all there, it is my lack of understanding and human frailties getting in the way. Someday I will be able to see God wholly, either here on Earth or somewhere else after my time here is finished. I am not sure when that time will come. To tell the truth, I really don’t care. The end, either for the world or for me, is not the end. The end will never come. The end that so many people in the world fear and dread is but a beginning for me, a door, an entrance into a new and better existence. A chance to feel the true power and love that is God. I wait for that day, but until then I am going to be making the most of my time here on Earth.

I have been put here for a reason. I know that reason. I am to serve the Lord God and his church here on Earth. I have given my life to him and his cause. I am destined to spend my life as a nomad, a wanderer, a pilgrim. In many ways I have lost something, a stability a constant home a security when that therm is viewed from the conventional sense. In return I have been given something most people in the world will never experience, a world that every day brings new wonders and adventures an existence that is so full of the incredible and sensational that it defies understanding. A life that is closer to God than anything I could have ever experienced had I stayed settled. I am so happy that I am living the way that I am living. It is an experience I cannot recommend to everyone, but for those strong enough there is nothing like it, anywhere. The Lord has truly been good to me.

Today I went up to Tallinn for worship services in English. I figure that once in Advent it was worth the expense and the effort. It is truly the longest that I have ever traveled for worship. I had an incredible experience. As I walked in the door I was asked if I was a native speaker, and then upon answering “yes” I was asked to read the scripture lessons. I love speaking in church. There is something so natural about it, and I am sure that I will be experiencing something like that the rest of my life.

At the service I met Inga and Leanna, her roommate. Both are from Tallinn originally and are back in town for Christmas. We went around to have a coffee together and talked for hours. I also went to go see Venno Laul, a friend of a friend from Warrensburg. I met his wife outside of the apartment, gave them the Christmas card I had written and have an appointment to meet them for real on the 29th before I head to Sweden. What a fulfilling day. I cannot put into words the kind of joy that comes from this lifestyle.

There are many difficulties about a nomadic lifestyle. However there are many incredible and unique rewards that come from it as well. The truly amazing thing is that the rewards and the challenges are the same. The instability, the flexibility, the mobility and the constantly changing scenery are all things that I would never give up, yet they are also the very things that would most like to forget. Does this make sense? Is this logical? No, but that is what makes it such an adventure.

Next entry: Christmas Bells