1997: Back Into English

From the archives: It turns out that I was blogging long before anyone had ever heard the term “blog.” Twenty years ago I was an exchange student in Estonia. While studying at the University of Tartu, I created an online travelogue to keep my family and friends apprised of my experiences. Both my life and the nation of Estonia have changed a lot the two decades since. This reprise is providing me with a glimpse at who I was back then and the excuse to learn more about more recent developments in my temporary home, even if some of the opinions that I expressed back then may make me a little bit uncomfortable today. It is interesting to see how people grow and change.

Previous entry: My First Week in Estonian

October 6-12, 1997

This was a very good week. I got to visit the Baptist seminary here in Tartu, had some wonderful, real home cooked food and had a simply wonderful couple of nights out on the town. I still continue to learn a few things in school and this was the first week that I had completely in Estonian language here at home. Many very memorable events.

The other big thing is that I have once again changed how I am posting my journal entries. I am still writing my journal mostly in Estonian language, but am posting only in English. Quite simply it proved to be much too much work to try to translate everything back into English and type everything twice. I just do not have the time to do it and do it right. Since 95% of the people reading this homepage are English speakers anyway, native or otherwise, I think that this is by far the best way to go. To all of my Estonian friends, I must again apologize.

6 October 1997
Monday

Today was my first day to only speak in Estonian with my family. We didn’t have too many problems. I was a little quieter than normal but I think that will change soon once I have a little more practice.

8 October 1997
Wednesday

After classes today I went with Diemo to visit the Baptist Seminary here in town. It was much nicer than the Methodist one that we had visited in Tallinn. The facilities were better, the attitude of the staff was better and the program was much more flexible and in my opinion much more comprehensive.

Following our visit to the school we went to have dinner with Lyndon and his family. Lyndon is an English teacher at the seminary and was the one who had shown us around. It was a delicious meal and was an especially nice change of pace from my own standard university student diet of pasta, sausage and Ramen style noodles.

We closed up the night with an evening with the other international students at Heller and Illegaard. I think that this may become a weekly activity.

9 October 1997
Thursday

Today I was very tired from yesterday. I went to sleep very early. I bought a new kampsun, a traditional Estonian hand knit wool sweater, and a new pair of wool gloves. Just too much going on… This is so much fun.

10 October 1997
Friday

My first international date night here in Estonia. A good time was had by all…

12 October 1997
Sunday

I attended Peetri (St. Peter’s) Church with Diemo. It was a horrible service. There were almost no people in the church. The few people that were there did not sing any of the hymns, did not say anything during any of the liturgy, and there was absolutely no feeling of the spirit. The only good thing that happened was that I met Diemo’s friend Kristi, who studies veterinary medicine at the agricultural university here in Tartu. We had a great talk and went to a cafe together after the service.

After the service we tried to visit the church Sunday school but the director was not at all welcoming so we beat a hasty retreat. It’s incredible. Every time that I have investigated the Lutheran church, or any church really, outside of the simple act of worship, I have been very put off. It’s almost as if the “what do you want?” attitude pervades the church everywhere in this country. I’m afraid that part will have to change if the Estonian church is going to succeed in reaching out to the people as a whole. If I, someone who knows and loves the church, am put off by them, just imagine the experience of someone who does not have any idea about the church. I honestly think that if today had been my first time to visit the church I would not be going back. Incredible, simply incredible.

I am really starting to wonder. I would love to serve the Estonian church, but every experience that I have with it is more and more off putting. I have yet to find a truly comfortable situation here where I would feel comfortable serving and spending the rest of my life. I don’t know whether this is just my own personal biases getting in the way or whether there is truly something different and bizarre about the church in this country that is intrinsically different from what I believe and desire in my relation to God and the church. Maybe some day I will find exactly what I am looking for, but until I do I must admit that my most positive experiences in Estonia have been far removed from the church of the Lord, an experience that I am not particularly proud of.

Next entry: Falling Behind Again