Estonia 1998: Independence Day? Just a Little Cold for a Barbecue

From the archives: It turns out that I was blogging long before anyone had ever heard the term “blog.” Twenty years ago I was an exchange student in Estonia. While studying at the University of Tartu, I created an online travelogue to keep my family and friends apprised of my experiences. Both my life and the nation of Estonia have changed a lot the two decades since. This reprise is providing me with a glimpse at who I was back then and the excuse to learn more about more recent developments in my temporary home, even if some of the opinions that I expressed back then may make me a little bit uncomfortable today. It is interesting to see how people grow and change.

February 23-March 1, 1998

This week was memorable because Estonia celebrated its 80th anniversary of independence. There were parades, parties and a just a general relaxed mood all week long. Some of the people got into a debate about whether this was really the 80th birthday of the country or not. After all, for a good chunk of that time there were either Russians or Germans calling the shots. As long as people are careful to say the 80th anniversary of independence rather than 80 years of independence I really see no problem. Either way its an important day and should serve as a model to other Europeans that it is really quite acceptable to celebrate one’s nation and to revel in freedom. I’m very happy that my country has not forgotten that, even 220 years after the fact.

23 February 1998
Monday

Today I went with some of the internationals to see the university Independence Day celebration. It was so different from Independence Day in the United States. It wasn’t really a visually glad day. Most of the people seemed proud to be there, but there wasn’t any excitement, no real energy to the whole occasion. The speeches and the songs were wonderful, but I really wish that people had gone a little more all out. It seems to me that the freedom of one’s country after so many years of foreign occupation and oppression should be celebrated a little more vigorously. Just my opinion. Tomorrow is the actual day, so perhaps that will make a difference.

In the evening we had our weekly X-Files party at Kathryn’s place. It was nice and relaxing and after the show we watched the movie Peggy Sue Got Married, a movie about a woman traveling back twenty-five years to her high school years. It was a good story, but it showed me how much people need to enjoy the life that they are currently living, make the best of it and live every day to the fullest rather than concentrating on what might have been. It is much more important to think about what could be. The past is a great memory, and something to learn from. We will experience it again, in the future. History repeats itself and today’s present is tomorrow’s history. The memories that we bear with us are all the time traveling that we will ever need. Today is a great time, let’s make the most of it.

24 February 1998
Tuesday
Estonian Independence Day

I must admit that this was an undeniably strange experience. In the morning I watched the Estonian National Defense Forces parade in Tallinn on television. It was attended by the president and some various generals and foreign dignitaries. It was interesting and was weird from the aspect of comparing the Estonian military to the American one. From what I saw, the troops and equipment are more than capable when one considers the small country that they are coming from, but the troops themselves seemed to be lacking something.

I think that it stems from the way the Estonian military recruits its soldiers. It, like most nations around the world, uses conscription to fill its ranks. For most of the men in the military it is merely a slightly unpleasant duty that they must get out of the way before going on with the rest of their lives. It shows in the way they carry themselves, no outward pride through the ranks. The professional and voluntary divisions are an entirely different matter. The officers, women (who are there only by choice), voluntary reserves and specialists have something that the mass rank and file do not. There is a gleam in their eye and a smartness to the way they move that is simply missing in the conscripted troops. This, in addition to the inordinate costs of training soldiers only serving one year’s time and the obvious moral issues of forcing people into the line of fire against their will makes me very happy that my country abandoned the conscription system long ago.

In the afternoon we had a wonderful independence day dinner here at the house. It was a good chance to spend some time with the entire family together and not have to worry about busy schedules, deadlines or other pressures. Its also nice to see some Europeans that openly express some pride in their country. For reasons that I do not quite understand, most Europeans that I have met seem to think that simple patriotism is evil and is one and the same with Nazism or Fascism. One should love their country, not everything it does of course, but accepting its faults and mistakes, using them as lessons for the future.

I finished everything off with a party at Tiina’s place. She invited our entire Estonian class over to celebrate Independence Day with her and and her husband Alex. It was a good second dinner and was fun to watch the official ceremonies in Tallinn, although I must admit that the televised reception of President Meri greeting 800 guests and their spouses each individually did get a little long.

25 February 1998
Wednesday

In the evening we had our standard Illegaard evening and I got a chance to talk to a medical student from Iraq, for the first time really in depth. It was fascinating to talk with him, a normal and intelligent man from a country that until a couple of days ago was inches away from being bombed by my own. I really wish that all the people who advocate war as a means of international relations should be first forced to spend an evening in the company of the people they intend to attack. No matter how horrible Sadam Hussein is, we must never forget that there are real people on the receiving ends of our bombs. 

If we must attack, let it be for the right reasons, not just for political or economic points back home. War is doubtlessly and irreparably evil, necessary or otherwise. If it should ever prove necessary let us never forget that even if we think we are fighting for “good” reasons we are not free of the truth that killing is killing. Even in the name of a “good” war against Hitler, our country was guilty of innumerable atrocities and innocent deaths. I pray from the depths of my heart that the leaders of all people everywhere remember the truth as put forward by one of the greatest generals of the civil war, W.T. Sherman, “war is hell and it cannot be refined.” Let us never forget.

26 February 1998
Thursday

A fairly quiet day because a couple of my classes got canceled. Instead I went to visit Arno and scanned some pictures for updating my homepage and in the evening began tutoring again at the Catholic school. It was a good time, but I will definitely not make that a full time career. I finished everything off at Nuri’s place for an “intellectual potluck,” everyone brought a story, joke or riddle. It was a really nice idea and was among the more thought provoking evenings that I have had in a long time.

27 February 1998
Friday

I went to the immigration department this morning to get everything taken care of for my residence permit. I now have to go to the psychiatrist Monday morning and have a mental evaluation done. What a pathetic system. I finished off the day by watching Attica, a movie about the prison uprising in Attica, New York in 1971. What a horrifying story, the senseless waste of violence. When will people learn that violence never pays? How many lives will we continue to lose before the world wakes up to the fact that death and carnage have never solved anything and only cause more problems than they could ever possibly overcome?

1 March 1998
Sunday

What an absolutely incredible weekend… …The rest of this entry shall be stored in my private heart of hearts.