“I will be with you”
“Who am I that I should go to Pharaoh?
One of my favorite insights from chapter one of Overcoming Life’s Disappointments is we are not ultimately responsible for navigating a broken world on our own. Rabbi Harold Kushner describes Moses’ hesitation in Exodus 3:1-22 when he was called to go to Pharaoh and advocate for the liberation of his slavery. Not only was he afraid of the king’s power, he recognized his own inability to speak articulately. He was understandably terrified and wanted nothing to do with the task.
This is the way I often feel when it comes to overcoming the challenges in my life and in the world around me. While I recognize that God has given me the freedom to fully live my life, the truth is that I sometimes find myself trapped by regrets about the past, or overwhelmed by the brokenness of the world around me. In those moments I want to either shrink back into abject nihilism or take on every form of injustice simultaneously in a fit of self-righteous rage. Neither extreme is healthy, for either myself or anyone around me.
Usually I get caught in that cycle when I start to allow myself to believe that everything is up to me. Overconfidence leads me to think that I have all the answers. Underappreciation for the gifts God has given me leaves me convinced that I have nothing to offer the task at hand. This was where Moses found himself at the burning bush.
Better question: who is God?
In that moment, God did not belittle Moses for his hesitation. Neither did God offer platitudes about Moses’ inherent strength. Instead, Rabbi Kushner writes, “God answers not by telling Moses who he is, but by telling him who God is, saying ‘I will be with you.'”
The ever-present nature of God is not just a description of how God works, but a description of God’s fundamental character. The mysterious God who says, “I am who I am” is also the God who says “I will be with you.” In Hebrew, these phrases are dependent on the same word. The God who calls us, is also the God who goes with us, and empowers us to do that which we cannot do on our own.
According to Kushner, “God is the One who is with us when we have to do something we don’t think we are capable of doing. God is the light shining in the midst of darkness, not to deny that there is darkness in the world but to reassure that we do not have to be afraid of the darkness because darkness will always yield to light.”
This is a weird moment in both my personal life and the life of our family. Many of the changes we are going through are good, but many others are not. It is also an insane time in human history with war, climate change, political gridlock, and economic uncertainty lurking around every corner. This volatility of this chapter of my life and of society is not what I thought I was signing up for when I entered ministry. As I begin working toward a counseling career, I sometimes find myself unsure whether the gifts I have to offer will ultimately matter when stacked up against the dysfunction of the world.
Perhaps you have experienced similar doubts and fears in your own life. Perhaps, just like Moses, you have found yourself tempted to turn back from the challenges in front of you. In moments like that, I am grateful for the reminder that it is not about us. Our gifts matter, but not nearly as much as the character of the one who gave us those gifts. The God who is with us in our fear and uncertainty, is the one who shines the light of hope, justice, and strength in a world of darkness.
Today’s prayer:
Today I pray that we all are able to cling to the one who is with us. I pray we are reminded it is ultimately not up to us. The one who shines a light in the darkness will also shine in us and through us.
Whenever I start to feel overwhelmed by the darkness of the world, I pray I will always take John’s words to heart, “What has come into being in him was life, and the life was the light of all people. The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness did not overcome it. (John 1:3b-5 NRSV)
