It’s time to take a knee

The hardest decision I’ve ever had to make

I’ve struggled with how to talk about this online. Now that everyone in the church has been notified, here is the letter I shared with the congregation last month. Lots of emotion here. This remains the hardest decision I’ve ever had to make:

Eleven years ago Lily received the job offer that brought us to Southeast Missouri and a few months later I began my ministry in Dexter on October 1, 2012. After more than a decade in this congregation, I must reluctantly offer my resignation as pastor effective May 31, 2023 because Lily’s job is once again leading us to relocate.

Lily has received a prestigious research fellowship at the Kinder Institute for Constitutional Democracy at the University of Missouri. This will give her a year in Columbia with the goal of a publication qualifying her for promotion to full professor at SEMO. When she first applied, our plan was to have a commuter marriage for a school year. We had survived a deployment, so weekend trips across the state seemed like no big deal. My dad’s death and my pending retirement from the Air Force due to PTSD have combined to change our plans. A great deal of prayer over the past week has confirmed that despite counseling, medication, and the loving support of this church, I am simply not emotionally ready to live apart from Lily at this time.

I am not leaving to serve another congregation. I will be taking a break from parish ministry until I am stronger and have begun to heal. I would like to stress that this mental health pause is in no way a reflection on Dexter, this church, or its members. I cannot say enough good things about the support I have received from the congregation and church leadership since my diagnosis. Unfortunately, four years of nightmares, insomnia, and anxiety combined with a wave of overwhelming grief leave me exhausted and hurting.

Quite simply, I need to take a knee.

As I begin the next stage of my recovery process, I will be trained as a Licensed Professional Counselor as part of the VA’s Vocational Rehabilitation program with the goal of becoming a marriage and family counselor. This will allow me to continue using my skills as a pastor and chaplain in a different form of ministry.

Although it is not yet time to say goodbye, it is time to begin the transition. Earlier today I spoke to the regional ministry team and leaders of our congregation. As we begin this new chapter I give thanks that God has blessed our church with such talented leadership and healthy financial reserves. The board will soon meet to plan next steps. It has been an honor to serve in this congregation for all these years. You will all remain in my prayers. I am grateful for all the ways the people of this church have touched my life. I am looking forward to savoring all of the remaining time we have together.