Star Word 2024: Mean old Holy Spirit

Epiphany star words

Since we arrived in Columbia, Lily and I have made Rock Bridge Christian Church (Disciples of Christ) our temporary church home. Every year Rock Bridge celebrates Epiphany with the distribution of “star words” during the worship service. Star words are intended to guide our reflection on what God might be calling us to do in the new year, just as the star guided Magi to visit Jesus in Bethlehem. In addition to receiving a word for the new year, members of the congregation offer testimonies on the ways last year’s word resonated with them.

(The star word tradition is not unique to Rock Bridge, but it is one we have never encountered before. If you want to learn more, Presbyterian pastor Rev. Marci Auld Glass reflected on how she used it in her Boise, Idaho, congregation at the RevGalPals blog.)

Uncertainty and discomfort

As you may remember from my October 2 blog entry, patience is definitely a growing edge for me. Uncertainty has a tendency to increase my anxiety and force me way outside my comfort zone. Of course, intellectually I understand that there is much I cannot control about the world. Stability and predictability are usually just an illusion.

However, that knowledge does not mean that I have to like it. I often joke that I aspire to boredom.

Transitioning to a new form of ministry has brought that discomfort directly out into the open. The routines of parish ministry and Air Force chaplaincy have disappeared. Instead, I am learning how to be a student once more. My first semester demonstrated just how much I have to learn about the counseling career field. The new term opened this weekend and a quick glance through the syllabi shows that this spring’s classes are going to be even more challenging.

There are seven more semesters in store for me after this one. In the midst of all that will come practicum and internship. There is simply no way to gaze into the crystal ball. I have no idea what will come next for me either educationally or professionally. While all of the possibilities are exciting, I will admit that I sometimes find the lack of clarity a bit terrifying.

In anxious moments like that I simply want to rush the process. Jumping to the end of the novel and knowing that everything turns out okay would be such a relief.

Unfortunately, life does not work that way.

Be careful what you pray for

Members of the Rock Bridge congregation pick their star words from a basket. The words are face down so the selection is a complete surprise. Sometimes the words are biblical affirmations like, “faith,” “hope,” and “love.” Sometimes they are challenges like “justice,” “mercy,” or “wisdom.” Sometimes they are more amorphous terms like “beginning,” “melody,” or “exhale.”

When it came our time to draw, Lily pulled out the term “waiting.” For someone in the midst of a year-long sabbatical, that seemed an appropriate term for her to have chosen. It is an accurate reflection of the moment in which she finds herself.

My term was “slow.” On the heels of Lily’s selection, and my anxiety-driven desire to rush forward, the delightful irony of the selection was immediately apparent. We both laughed and our pastor, Rev. Sarah Klaussen, said, “we pray over these and ask the Holy Spirit to use them to help guide us in year ahead. Sometimes that prayer is a little more effective than others.”

Lily jokingly responded with, “mean old Holy Spirit.”

Quite.

Trust the process

Although my theology does not actually include punitive acts on the part of the Holy Spirit, I do appreciate the reminder that sometimes I do need to slow down and allow God to work on me.

Formation takes time. Becoming the kind of counselor I wish to be requires more than simple information transfer. My old ways of working with people need to be reshaped. It will take a while to develop the experience and wisdom necessary to be helpful in this new chapter of my vocation. None of that happens quickly.

During my Air Force training we were often told to “trust the process.” Everything took longer than expected. Many things seemed irrelevant to the end goal of making us better Airmen. However, in the end even learning to roll our socks in a particular way taught us about followership. Developing that teachability was a necessary first step for officers who were going to expect the same attitude from the people we would eventually lead.

Spring semester starts

The same thing is happening to me once again. This semester is focused on professional details like case notes and legal issues. It is to put such concepts into the category I once put rolled up socks: irrelevant and slightly annoying. Don’t waste my time.

My star word sits on my desk as I begin my classes. As much as I just want to jump forward to the “good stuff” and get busy helping people, the reminder to slow down is necessary. Just like my time in the Air Force, I can trust my professors and the curriculum to get me where I need to be. I have the rare gift of a scholarship that allows me to focus exclusively on my studies. There is no need to rush this.

In fact, just as rolling my socks made me a better officer, slowing down to focus on the seemingly trivial details will eventually make me a better counselor. Of course, this is easier said than done. My natural temptation is to avoid my discomfort with uncertainty by emotionally rushing forward and pretending the process doesn’t matter.

Whether it really was the “mean old Holy Spirit” or not, my prayer is that this star word will be a helpful reminder to slow down and allow God to use this time to do the work that needs to be done in my life.